Golden Globes 2025

Leave it to a St. Louis gal to bring back the Golden Globes big time

Let’s give out a few Golden Globe Awards awards, here in the first year for Dick Clark Productions, by way of the new Golden Globe Foundation (no more shall we hear winners thank the Hollywood Foreign Press) to own and produce what has long been Hollywood's dishiest and drunkest awards show. And let’s start with the biggest star of the night.

MVP: Nikki Glaser, as the first solo female host in Globes history, gave the show a major boost, slaying the house down, as Michelle Yeoh would say. She had vowed ahead of the show that she would go easy on the celebrity roasting at the Globes although her star-making turns as a uniquely talented roaster is, in part, how she got the job in the first place. But Glaser’s comedic gifts are based on her smart and clever observations, her delivery, her timing—not on her going for the throat. Still, her monologue contained plenty of stingers, and not just the requisite Ozempic jokes (“Welcome to the Golden Globes: Ozempic’s Biggest Night!”) and botox quips (“You all look amazing tonight. And I love where you put your cheekbones.”). Overall, she found the perfect balance of tributes and irreverence.

Top 10 Nikki Jokes of the Night:

1. “Wicked, Queer, Nightbitch: These are not just words Ben Affleck yells after he orgasms.”

2. “Glen [Powell], you were in everything: Twisters, Hit Man, my head when I'm having sex with my boyfriend. Thank you so much for the assist. I'll see you tonight.”

3. “I look out and see some of the hardest-working actors in show business. And by that, I mean your servers. They'll be bringing you your cocktails to drink and your food that you'll look at.”

4. “Zendaya, you were incredible in Dune. I woke up for all of your scenes.”

5. “[Timothée], you have the most gorgeous eyelashes…on your upper lip.”

6. “I did not know much about Wicked going into this year because I had friends in high school.”

7. At Wicked, some people complained that the movie was ruined by people singing. At Joker 2, some people said it was ruined by the images on the screen and the sounds that accompanied them. I'm sorry, Joker 2. Where's their table? Oh, they're not here.”

8. “If you do lose tonight, please just keep in mind that the point of making art is not to win an award. The point of making art is to start a tequila brand so popular that you never have to make art again.”

9. On Diddy’s arrest: “The afterparty’s not gonna be as good this year. ‘Stanley Tucci freak off’ just doesn’t have the same ring to it. No baby oil this year, just lots of olive oil.”

10. “You’re all so famous, so talented, so powerful. I mean, you can really do anything…except tell the country who to vote for.”

Plus, Nikki, as the Globes’ serving mother, pulled off a couple of in-show bits, like the Wicked/Conclave mashup “Pope-ular.” (I actually wish she had performed a whole song; Nikki’s ultimate dream is to be a successful singer—next year, she should work up a Billy Crystal-esque medley.) Or keeping a tally board of who has been thanked during acceptance speeches: “God, creator of the universe: zero mentions. Mario Lopez, host of Access Hollywood: 1.”

Biggest Nikki surprise: Despite multiple wardrobe changes and knockout dresses, we never saw her legs the whole show.

But what a night for Nikki. Leave it to a St. Louis gal to bring back the Golden Globes big time. To quote “El Mal” songwriter Camille Ducol, “You shake the house!” See you next year.

Weirdest Looking: Gosh, we don’t have time to list them all. I’ll go with Maren Morris, whose filler apocalypse made her look deformed and changed the shape of her eyes. And Ariana Grande wore a hideous dress to cover up the boniness of not having eaten since Columbus Day.